Domestic violence victim rebuilds her life

IC photo/Linda Petersen

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Maria takes a rare moment to herself to enjoy a coffee and a few minutes of peace and quiet. These days, her life is busy but happy, she says.

SALT LAKE CITY—As she stood to be sworn in as a U.S. citizen at the Matheson Courthouse in Salt Lake City on Oct. 10, it was the end of a long and difficult journey for Maria. (Names have been changed for privacy.) Like many of those around her, she had endured years of paperwork and processing, studying, tests and interviews before reaching that moment. But for Maria, those challenges were the least of what she has conquered.

Twelve years previously, as she lay on her bed pretending to be dead so her husband Juan would stop beating and choking her while their 4-year-old daughter screamed in the background, Maria could not have imagined she would ever be free to live her life without fear.

Maria came to Utah from Mexico with her family when she was 16. After high school, she enrolled in college and began working at a local restaurant. It was there she met Juan, who, she said, at first was “very, sweet, loving and caring.” She was immediately drawn to him, and the two began dating.

Within months, Juan became extremely jealous and began to isolate her from her family and friends, Maria said. While he was not physically violent, he would sometimes fly into rages that terrified her. Maria’s mother became concerned and tried to warn her away from Juan, but Maria didn’t listen, thinking he would change.

The two married within a year. Then Juan started drinking, she said, and she began working at his sister’s restaurant. One day, Juan’s sister decided Maria was being too friendly with a male co-worker and called Juan about it, she said. He showed up and banged on the back door. When Maria opened it, Juan slapped her across the face, she said. Maria filed charges and, as a result, a judge required Juan to take anger management classes, she said. He complained bitterly about how much they cost, telling Maria all the things they could have done with the money instead.

Then, she said, Juan began doing drugs. Although he had always been a hard worker, he started not showing up for work, Maria said. In the meantime, she had given birth to their daughter and then, almost three years later, to a son. At first, Juan was a good father but as his drug use escalated he would bring strangers home and, while they got high, he would force Maria to stay locked up in a single room with the children for hours on end, she said. He began to hit her but was careful to do so on her arms and legs where the bruises could be covered up, she said.

One night while doing drugs with others, Juan attacked Maria, beating her on the face and choking her, she said. Her daughter screamed for someone to help her mother, but no one stepped in; finally, Maria pretended to be dead and Juan left, she said. In the morning he seemed scared by what he had done when he saw the bruises on Maria’s face and neck, she said. He said nothing, fed their toddler breakfast and left shortly after, she said.

Maria’s mother and brother showed up and, with tears streaming down their faces, they called the police to report the incident, Maria said. She left her husband, and said she didn’t know if she would have survived without her mother.

“I just felt so depressed and alone,” she said. “I didn’t know how I was going to feed my kids or pay my rent.”

With the help of her family, the police and Holy Cross Ministries of Utah, Maria began to put her life back together. She divorced Juan. She completed her Certified Nursing Assistant certification, got a job at a day care and began work on getting her U visa. She also started going to church again.

“Without God, without family support, I wouldn’t be so brave,” she said.

She began to spend time with a family friend, who helped her on her journey back to church. Their friendship grew into love and they were married eight years ago. The two now have a son together. Like any couple, they have their ups and downs, but Maria says her husband respects her and has never abused her.

For a long time, Maria held onto her anger against Juan but has now forgiven him.

“It was killing me, feeling that way,” she said. “I let go of it and was able to be happy. … If God forgives people, why not me?”

Editor’s note: This is the first of a two-part series in recognition of Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Next week we will report on the resources available in Utah for those seeking to escape from domestic violence.