Face obstacles, conflict head-on to collaborate well, workshop presenter says

Friday, Feb. 03, 2017

The chance to learn more about good collaboration skills from an expert in the field brought lay ecclesial ministers and other Utah Catholics to the St. Vincent De Paul Benvegnu Center on Jan. 28.

Susan Northway, director of religious education for the Diocese of Salt Lake City, said the group was lucky to have Trinitarian Brother Loughlan Sofield as the workshop presenter. 

“I remember reading some of his work myself in graduate school and I remember thinking, ‘This makes so much sense,’” Northway said. 

Br. Loughlan opened his presentation by recalling a time when a woman introducing him said that he was a very warm person. “Luckily, I had a dictionary with me at the time,” he said. “And I found out that warm really means not so hot.” 

His audience burst out laughing. After the chuckles died down, he continued, “When I told her this, she said, ‘No, no that’s not what I meant. Br. Sofield is a model speaker.’ I looked that up, too, and a model means a lesser version than the real thing.”

When he wasn’t making his audience laugh with his frequent jokes, Br. Loughlan was pacing back and forth between the tables, gesturing emphatically with every new point he made. 

The topic of collaboration bound together his jokes and boundless energy. Collaboration, he said, is based on one concept: the gifts that people have. Deacons and lay ecclesial ministers can use their gifts to become “animators of their entire community,” he said. He spoke of three steps to using gifts properly to facilitate collaboration: identifying gifts; hearing the call of God to release those gifts; and, finally, bringing the gifts together in a group to collaborate. 

“Sometimes, gifts are so a part of us that we don’t even look at them as gifts,” Br. Loughlan said, adding that everyone has important and unique gifts to bring to the table when collaborating.

He warned that there is one thing that will often get in the way of recognizing gifts: low self-esteem. “It is the major obstacle to collaboration,” he said. He gave an example of his brother, who had to have surgery because 90 percent of his arteries were blocked; the remaining 10 percent just barely keeping him alive. Low self-esteem and not recognizing gifts means a group of people trying to collaborate will be working at that same 10 percent capacity, Br. Loughlan said.

He went on to talk about communication, “one of the things that is required for collaboration.” An important aspect of communication, he said, is to be able to be silent every once in a while and listen. 

He put the theory into action by taking 15-minute breaks throughout the day, splitting the attendees into small groups, listening to their theories, feelings and experiences with collaboration. 

Br. Loughlan also spoke about conflict and the inevitability of its appearance in groups. 

“Some people read the first few chapters in the Bible about the Apostles and say, ‘Look how great the early Christian community used to get along!’ I tell them to keep reading,” he said. “Conflict is inevitable in the Church, but if you don’t deal with it, it festers.”

Just like conflict, being angry is not wrong, but anger can be an obstacle to collaboration if handled badly, he said. 

According to Br. Loughlan, there are three ways to deal with anger: to store it up, to express it destructively or to express it constructively. The first two ways are unhealthy for both the individual and for collaboration, he said. A person who stores anger becomes “a pressure cooker, ready to blow their top at any moment.” 

Anger should also not be expressed destructively by dumping that anger onto someone else, he said. 

Br. Loughlan said that it’s important to remember that “it is our beliefs and our perceptions that create [anger]. You can never blame another person for your anger. It was an inside job.” 

Unaddressed anger can lead to passive-aggressiveness, depression and abuse of others, he said, so it must be dealt with. “You can’t collaborate if you hold onto your anger,” he said. 

The only cure for anger is forgiveness, Br. Loughlan said. “If I want to be a disciple of Jesus, if I want to be a follower of Jesus, I must heal and I must forgive.” 

The best way to collaborate is to face conflict and anger head on, he said, and most importantly, to pray for the strength to deal with them healthily.

Collaboration is incredibly important in any job, most of all for the job that Jesus gave Christians to make disciples of all nations, Br. Loughlan said. “The world will know Jesus Christ as the son of God if we work together, as one,” he said.