Gifts of the Epiphany

Friday, Jan. 15, 2016

God truly does show his love in tangible ways, despite my doubting heart.

This was confirmed once again Thursday, when I took my struggles to him at the 12:10 p.m. Mass at St. Catherine of Siena Newman Center. The week had been rough for various reasons, including a short deadline and the post-holiday blues. I was feeling frazzled even though I’ve been properly eating, sleeping and exercising, which usually helps compensate for life’s dips and curves but in this case proved singularly ineffectual. Hence my appeal to God at Mass.

I returned to the office even more discouraged than when I departed, because neither prayer nor the Eucharist had lightened the black cloud hanging over my head. I struggled through the next few hours, avoiding the temptation to curse God for abandoning me in my time of need despite my pleas for succor. Finally I succumbed to the pressure and headed to Harmon’s for a chocolate fix.

That solution backfired on two levels. First, I’ve cut back sharply on sweets, so the absolutely delicious chocolate-salted caramel-toffee cookie with which I tried to assuage my troubles resulted in a sugar rush that caused me to rue its consumption. Then a coworker told me that she and her husband were headed to Old Navy’s sale offering $1 winter scarves, which they planned to purchase and donate to the homeless. That shamed me because although I contributed $5 to the cause, I spent more on the chocolate (and here I must confess that I didn’t limit myself to the container of cookies but also picked up a Ghirardelli dark chocolate bar.)

Now, in more rational moments I acknowledge that God won’t punish me for treating myself, but my mood on Thursday induced guilt because I had bought unnecessary treats rather than giving that money to help the needy.

Needless to say, my deep funk accompanied me home, where God greeted me with the answer to my prayers: a Christmas present from a faraway friend, which I had received in the office mail on Tuesday but hadn’t opened because that day and the next were so hectic that I set the gift aside until I could properly appreciate it. On Thursday, that padded manila envelope couldn’t have been a more welcome sight.

The envelope contained three items: One made me laugh, another made me cry, and the last offered much-needed encouragement.

The first item was a pair of socks, which to other eyes would appear a clichéd Christmas gift but to my friend and me has significance in our shared story. The second item was a personal message that touched me deeply. The third was The Return of the Prodigal Son by Henri Nouwen, a theologian who has been on my reading list but whom I have been afraid to approach because all of the references I have had to him have been so academic that I figured he was beyond my level. However, having book in hand I read the first several pages, and not only is he extremely accessible but he feels like a spiritual soul mate, albeit one much wiser than I, and I can’t wait to continue reading.

Sitting there laughing and crying, feeling more honored than if the magi themselves had arrived on my doorstep because the three gifts from my friend are more precious than any king’s treasure, I realized the truth of what Fr. Peter Hannah said in his homily that day: It is through other people that God answers our prayers; we just need to open our hearts to see him in them.