In marriage you become one body in Christ Jesus

Intermountain Catholic

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Friends and family gathered as the waters of baptism fell from the sky and Bill Silverwood and Janalyn Olson were married June 20, in Bountiful. The rain forced their outdoor wedding to be moved inside. During their ceremony they were reminded to love one another, always be truthful, and to listen to each other. They will convalidate their marriage within a year.IC photo by Christine Young

SALT LAKE CITY — "Historically marriage was seen as a contract between families, or the specific spouses. In most cases, women were seen as property, and of course that was cultural at the time," said Timothy Johnston, director of the Diocesan Office of Liturgy.

"Many of the rites and rituals we use today evolved over time and reflect customs from various religious traditions and the Roman society," said Johnston. "Even if the marriage was between two Christians, it was not done in the church; it was always a civil act in the earliest periods. Prior to the seventh century, marriage was a domestic rite. It included the betrothal, which is the ring ceremony, and the wedding, which is the blessing of the bed chamber."

Johnston said this was usually a family event. In some cases, the family would gather in the room with the couple and the religious leader to bless the bed and the couple, praying that their marriage might be fruitful.

This comes from Tobiah, who marries Sarah (Tobit 8:3-8) who had been married seven times and all of her husbands died. Before he gets into the bed, he said they should pray and offer their marriage to God. This eventually gets incorporated into the wedding ritual because they have offered their wedding to God. But again, it is very sort of contractual.

"Around the seventh century, this domestic and civil ritual is augmented by the celebration of the nuptial Mass, which occurred after the betrothal and wedding," said Johnston. "The nuptial Mass, with the reception of Holy Communion by the couple, gives thanks to God for all his gifts. One reason marriage begins to shift from the civil realm into the church is because the power of government is dwindling and the power of the Church is rising."

Johnston said beginning in the ninth century, the exchange of rings and the vows slowly merged into the nuptial Mass. By the 12th century, the exchange of rings and vows still takes place before the Mass, but they are now connected to the Mass, and performed by the pastor. Whether this is a civil event or sacrament of the Church, consent by both the bride and bridegroom are the core of the marriage ceremony.

Up to the Council of Trent in the 16th Century, the gestures, texts, vesture, etc., varied from region to region. After the Council of Trent, the Church received the "Rituale Romanum of 1614" and the "Missale Romanum of 1570." These two books unified the liturgy for the first time in texts, gestures, and rituals, and marriage became universal for all cultures of the world. With this, many local traditions vanished and adaptation was not allowed.

"Things remained basically the same until Vatican II, which led to a few changes concerning marriage," said Johnston. "Pope Pius XI’s encyclical "Casti Connubii," said marriage was more than contractual and more than for procreation, it was about love and being intimate, and about a relationship with Christ and your spouse.

"Gaudem et Spes," the constitution on the church in the modern world, No. 49, states spouses enrich each other.

"Ultimately marriage is a model of the church, in and of itself," said Johnston. "They model to the world Christ’s love for the Church. Their relationship is a symbol of Christ’s relationship to Church."

Johnston said the first Rite of Marriage was published in 1969, after Vatican II, and is still used today. The theology is basically rooted in the Paschal mystery – the dying and rising of Christ.

"We are united to Christ in our baptism, and the love of Christ is what continues to motivate us and move us in all of our actions," said Johnston. "When we have the love of Christ, and are open to the grace that provides, and when that love recognizes love in someone else, we fall in love with that person. We fall in love in different ways, such as with family members as well as with our spouses or friends.

"When a couple falls in love, the couple’s relationship must be centered on Christ Jesus," said Johnston. "That is how the relationship will continue to thrive through joys and sorrows. A couple has to keep moving forward and to always recognize the light of Christ. It will help them realize the relationship is about the Paschal mystery, the dying, sometimes to self, not being selfish, letting go of the issues in order to be complimentary of each other, to work as one – because in the Marriage Rite you become one person, one body in Christ. In baptism we become one united to Christ even though we are individuals."

"The couple walks with each other on a pilgrimage of conversion. They challenge each other to grow deeper in communion with Christ. The challenge we face is to embrace the joys of the dying and rising of Christ. We walk intimately side-by-side more with our spouse. We take great care in their actions and words because we are there to support and praise them, to give thanks, to challenge, and to critique them, so they always are growing deeper in their relationship with Christ.

"If I, as a spouse, am not challenging that, then I am not a very good spouse," said Johnston. "Then we are just sort of there together. That is not what relationship is about. No one is perfect going into a marriage, and we are going to make mistakes, but part of marriage is reconciliation and coming to a place of deeper awareness of each other, forgiveness, and love. All of that should have been practiced during the courting stage before the engagement period because you certainly don’t want to be surprised when the marriage comes.

"The married couple is a witness of Christ’s love to the rest of the world, and that is why marriage is a sacrament," said Johnston. "It is a real symbol of the presence of Christ in the world for us. So as they journey together, hold hands, love each other, raise their family, and openly care for others in need they are witnessing to, not only the church, but the world, the love that Christ has for the church and the love Christ has for his flock."

Johnston said what the Vatican Council is really trying to get across is that marriage is no longer just a contract, but a covenant, an intimate relationship with vows. A vow is much more sacred than a contract, and the bonds are deeper. As part of the rite itself, the intension to marry must be present. There has to be consent even in the civil ceremony, and even during the engagement process. Consummation in a sense completes the marriage and is an act of the marriage itself.

Johnston said there are three options a couple can choose in consultation with a priest or deacon in preparation. In theory the couple should be doing a six-month preparation, which might include spiritual direction where the couple can talk about the struggles and joys of marriage. The couple also completes an assessment to discover issues they may have in order to pray about them and discuss them with the pastor or a trained spiritual director. They may also find other couples who are getting married and build a support group to share insight.

Johnston explained in this inquiry period the couple will discern which rite they will use. The first form is the rite within a Mass, and the most common for two Catholic people. This is what the Church prefers because it is a sacramental moment and the best way to culminate and give thanks through the Eucharist together with the whole parish community.

The second form is a marriage outside of Mass, which includes the liturgy of the Word, and the Rite of Marriage. This takes place in a church, and is between a Catholic and a baptized Christian.

The third form is a nonsacramental marriage between a Catholic and an unbaptized person. This is a nonsacramental marriage in the case of one being a catechumen. Once the unbaptized person becomes a baptized Catholic, the marriage becomes sacramental and valid.

In preparation of the Rite of Marriage, the couple will also choose sacred music, which will be appropriate for the celebration of marriage. Some couples want their favorite song sung at their wedding, but secular music is never sung at the liturgy. This would be more than appropriate at the reception. When the couple is planning, they should discern what it is about their relationship they want to communicate to the congregation through the scriptures that are proclaimed, and what message and images they want to hear and portray’ on the day they are married.