O Lord, please grant me 600 words

Friday, Mar. 27, 2015

Dear God,

This week’s column is due today. I need to write 600 words about something; I just don’t know what. Always in the past when I prayed for a column idea, you answered immediately. I thank you for that, but this week I asked you on Tuesday, and then again on Wednesday, and once more on Thursday, but here it is Friday and I still don’t have anything to write about.

Tuesday at lunch I told a friend that I needed an idea. She said, “Something will come up.”

It didn’t.

Wednesday night I went to dinner with my mother and mentioned my predicament. She said she’s been wondering whether the perfection of eternity in heaven would be monotonous, and perhaps I could write about that. So here goes: I think the answer is no. As Richard Bach points out in Illusions, both the sea and the sky are always perfect yet every changing, and therefore never boring.

I know my mother wanted to help, but exploring her idea took all of two sentences – hardly the 600 needed to fill this space.

Lord, each time I sit down to write one of these musings, I pray that you will guide me to do your will through them. It’s not as though I’m any sort of religious expert. For most of my years I’ve been at best a nominal Catholic. I’ve only just recently started trying to figure out how to live the faith that I profess, but people comment more about this column than anything else I’ve ever written. I’m astonished – also flattered and humbled – that this chronicle of my search for you resonates with others. 

That’s your work, Lord, not mine, and I thank you for it. It reminds me of a retreat I attended at which the speaker started by saying that anything of value he offered would be the Holy Spirit’s doing, not his. I realize now that he spoke from the heart, not false modesty.

My problem is that every column requires me to return to you anew for 600 words, and you haven’t responded yet this week. It’s not that I don’t trust that you won’t, but I’m on deadline, so I looked for inspiration in past columns. Most of them deal with books, but I haven’t read anything lately worth writing about – the Neil Gaiman novel I’m in the midst of isn’t an appropriate topic. (I did have an interesting conversation with my cousin about The Ocean at the End of the Lane; his daughter made a comparison between the three Hemstock women and the Holy Trinity that I want to consider, but I don’t care to write 600 words on the subject.) Nor have I had any new reverential adventures, or been in contact with someone who sparked a hallowed train of thought.

In fact, Lord, these past two weeks have been spiritually arid. I’m reflecting daily on your word, but I’m not feeling your presence, nor am I gaining any fresh insights. I understand this is a fairly typical experience for those who seek you, so it’s not that I’m complaining. It’s just that people expect 600 words from me every week, and I don’t want to write that you, Lord, didn’t deign to answer my prayer. 

I also don’t think readers would understand if I don’t turn in this week’s column.

So here I am still, Lord, asking. I really need a topic for this column. Deadline looms. I’m sure you understand all the implications of that. Just 600 words, Lord; all I need is 600 words.

Thank you.

Amen.