by Barbara Stinson Lee
Intermountain Catholic

Return to special coverage of Bishop Wester's Installation

SAN RAFAEL, Calif. — The law office of Barry Wester, Bishop Wester’s only brother, was the meeting place for the Intermountain Catholic and two-thirds of Bishop Wester’s immediate family Feb. 23. Barry, who is divorced, and his three children, Jeffrey, Bryan, and Andrew, were joined by Kathy O’Sullivan, Bishop Wester’s youngest sister, her husband, Terry, and their children, Michael, John Eric, and Sarah. We caught up with Nancy Barbi by telephone March 3. Nancy and her late husband, Stephen, had three children, Robert, Jennifer, and Stephen.

While family members can usually be depended upon to be more critical than friends, that isn’t so with the close-knit Westers, O’Sullivans, and Barbis. From Bishop Wester’s mother, Helen, on down, love and admiration for their son, brother, brother-in-law, and “Uncle, John,” is unanimous. This family has been through a lot together – the loss of Helen’s husband, Charles Wester, their father and grandfather, in 1999, the loss of Stephen Barbi five years ago, a divorce, and all the other transitions families naturally go through have left this family stronger. They depend on each other for strength, and their love for Bishop John Wester is influenced by the large role he has played in the family – a source of stability and wisdom, even in his younger years.

Barry is two-and-a-half years younger than John. Nancy is three years younger than Barry, and Kathy is five years younger than Nancy.

“We think he’s great,” Nancy said. “Even as a child, he always included me in everything. The other boys would say, ‘Do we have to bring her?’ and John would say, ‘yes.’ He was good to everyone. I was a tomboy growing up with two brothers for five years.

“Our father was a great guy,” she continued. “It’s as if John culled the best from Mom and Dad. It’s a gift.”

Nancy recalled the vital role her brother, John, played five years ago when her husband, Stephen, was dying of cancer.

“Stephen said John was the only one he wanted to talk to as he was dying. We knew how busy he was, so we didn’t want to call him a lot, but when we finally did, John was with him all the time. They spent a lot of time alone talking about the religious aspect of his dying. He helped all of us through the process, and we really felt his presence. He spent time with the children, too. He could make them feel better just by walking into the house.

“Our children will always see him as the man who helped them cope with the death of the father they loved. John always said, ‘We’re in this together.’

“The kids followed his lead and drew from his strength. He was a wonderful resource for all of us.”

Robert Barbi’s cousins’ tell a story of Robert running into some trouble at school. Robert’s response to his teachers was, “Please don’t call my uncle.” Their mother said her children would never want their uncle John to be disappointed in them.

“He’s a great uncle,” she said.

“Stephen was a wonderful father, and no one can ever replace him, but their Uncle John has sure come close at times. Stephen adored his children. John has always been at the kids’ special days; their Confirmations and other special ceremonies.”

Their love for Bishop Wester, though, is not a clinging love. It is one that is expressed in joy at his new assignment.

“We’re very happy for John,” Nancy said. “Now, we’re five years out from Stephen’s death and eight years out from Dad’s. John was a tremendous help for Mom. The children are doing well, and we’re able to let him go. For us, nothing can be as bad as what we’ve been through. To us, we’ll incorporate his leaving into our lives and make it work.

“We’re happy for all of you in Salt Lake City, and for John. This is such a good thing.”

Kathy O’Sullivan said she has seen the family’s love for Bishop Wester reflected in the people he’s served. “He’s very well loved,” she said.

John Eric O’Sullivan, he uncle’s namesake, admires his uncle’s generosity: “He’s a stupendous uncle. He gives us books at Christmas, and infinite wisdom.”

Sarah O’Sullivan appreciates her uncle’s sense of humor: “He’s funny, and he arranges his schedule to be with us on important days.”

“He’s given all his nieces and nephews all of their sacraments,” said Kathy

Andrew Wester said Bishop Wester, “always has been there for us. He gives good advice. He’s encouraging.”

Michael O’Sullivan cites his uncle’s wisdom as a gift. “He’s wise, and sometimes I can feed off his wisdom.” With a little laugh, Michael added, “And he corrects my mom a lot, too.”

His family has watched Bishop Wester’s rise in the hierarchy of the San Francisco Archdiocese, but have not had a sense that he was on any kind of fast track.

“He was made a monsignor at a young age (47), but no one ever got the sense he was on a fast track,” said his brother-in-law, Terry Sullivan.

“I think he’ll do anything the Church asks him to do, and he has wonderful skills,” said Kathy. “He loves parish life, he truly loves the people, and he’s gifted. He’s a gifted speaker and he’s gifted with how he deals with people. He truly had a calling. He knew at a young age he wanted to be a priest.”

“Of course, I wasn’t there when he was young, but I’ve seen lots of pictures, and I’ve always thought he was a man who would go far,” said Michael. “I could tell by his appearance. He was always around a lot of people – the life of the party. He draws people to himself.”

Kathy said Bishop Wester himself would not put himself on the fast track, but he would never say no to the Church. “He’s very prayerful. That’s how his decisions are made.”

Terry describes Bishop Wester as, “very dedicated,” and Kathy added that she thinks that dedication was recognized.

“I think it’s his dedication, but also his intelligence,” Terry said.

What kind of uncle is Bishop Wester? Jeffrey Wester calls him, “approachable. He’s also very supportive. There have been many times when I’ve needed someone to talk to, and he’s always been there.

While none of his nieces or nephews ever had him as a teacher two of Kathy’s friends said he was absolutely their favorite teacher. “They said he was fun and insightful. Some of their fondest memories were of his classes.”

Known for playing practical jokes and keeping his fellow priests on guard, Nancy was one who was often the victim of her brother’s joking side. When she was just six, and he 13, their parents would leave the children in John’s charge when they went out.

“John would get under my bed when it was time for me to go to bed. He’d wait until the lights went out, then he would start this hideous laughing. I scared easily, and he loved to scare me. It was fun, because he always knew when to stop. There was never a dull moment when we were growing up.

Andrew said he couldn’t bring any practical jokes to mind, “but my uncle is a good jokester. He tells jokes well, and he’s a great storyteller.

Kathy describes her brother as, “funny, witty, and quick.”

“I think he gets his storytelling from his friend, Gene. (Sulpician Father Eugene Konkel of St. Patrick’s Seminary and University),” said Terry.

That distinctive Wester sense of humor is something the whole family has had, from their late father, all the way down to Sarah, Kathy said.

Nancy said their brother really appreciates anyone else’s sense of humor as well. “When he was home from the seminary, I would rather stay at the table and talk with him and Dad than go out. I loved it when he came home, and when we were growing up, and I was baby-sitting around the neighborhood, sometimes I would get scared. I would call John, and he would always come over and sit with me.

He would turn on the television, and we would watch the grossest movies.

“When we heard the parents’ car, I used to shove him out, even in the rain, because I didn’t want the parents to know I needed help. But they knew. They told me later one of the reasons they liked me to baby-sit was because they new John would be there, too.”

Bishop Wester always had a good relationship with his father, Charles, Kathy pointed out. “They were both handy and good friends. They went on hikes together.”

Since his father’s death in 1999, a lot of those projects, hikes, and fishing trips have been undertaken with Barry, Terry, and the nieces and nephews.

Although Bishop Wester is somewhat color blind, Terry explains he can see some shades of color, “and he’s very good with ceiling fans.”

On trips to the family cabin in Pollock Pines in the High Sierras, everyone looks forward to Bishop Wester’s “mountain man breakfasts,” guaranteed to fill everyone up and raise their cholesterol levels.

Although he hasn’t had much time for fishing this year, Bishop Wester loves to fish with Terry, Barry, and the kids.

“The fish are safe when we’re around,” said Terry, noting a season that hasn’t been that productive. The nieces and nephews enjoy the fishing trips, but confess to not having much luck at the sport. Stephen once caught two fish with John, and Sarah one. Andrew once caught one with a net, not a pole.

“Terry and John once went fishing and the fish were jumping over their lines,” Kathy said.

Barry’s admiration for his older brother lies in Bishop Wester’s ability to hold a confidence and to see issues through, as he did with the clergy sex abuse scandal.

“He’s very wise. He’s been a classroom teacher, but his best teaching is done by example. As kids, we were just ordinary kids. We rode bikes and played basketball. We explored. We went fishing, camping, and climbed trees and mountains with the kids in the neighborhood. I’ve caught fish with him. We went to movies. We were close in age. We often hung around in a big group.

One of Bishop Wester’s greatest gifts, his family will tell you, is his ability to instill dignity in those around him. “When someone like John builds you up, you want to live up to it,” said Nancy. “He’s been a fine, fine example of how grown children should treat their mothers. Our children have picked that up from him, and they’re all very attentive.”

Knowing the decisions of the church are out of their hands, Bishop Wester’s family is hesitant to try to predict where Bishop Wester will be in 10 years.

“Mom tells us to live for today,” Kathy said. “We’ve been so lucky to have him here for so long. He’s a great brother.”

Terry prefers to think Bishop Wester is on a long-term loan to the Diocese of Salt Lake City. He said, “In 10 years we want him back.”

Kathy is more philosophical: “There’s no telling what God’s plan is, but he will do it with dignity and class; the way it should be done.”

Regardless of what the future holds, Bishop Wester’s nieces and nephews will carry with them all their lives the lessons he has taught them.

“He’s taught me to always be a good person, even though that isn’t always easy,” Andrew said.

“I know he has always wanted us to be very faithful,” Jeffrey said.

“He’s told me more than once to roll with the punches, and if something goes wrong, I should just get back on the horse,” said John.

For Sarah, her uncle’s example of always having respect for others will stay with her.

“He’s taught me a lot of things,” said Michael, whose favorite memory of his uncle is being taken to his first San Francisco 49ers game. “He’s taught me how to be responsible. I have two jobs now, and I’ve never called in sick.”

Terry said Bishop Wester is as good a brother-in-law as he is a brother or son. “We have a lot of similar interests – the outdoors, we both love to putter around and do things with our hands. Last September, we spent the weekend stripping the deck. We’re always doing some kind of project up at Pollock Pines. Some of our fondest memories would be barbecuing on the deck at Pollock Pines or at our house. At Christmas time, we would spend the night, then go up to Pollock Pines.”

Although his call to the priesthood came early in his life, that does not seem to be the case with any of his nieces and nephews. Still, Terry said he talks to them about the priesthood in a lighthearted manner. “John always said, ‘It’s three meals a day, a warm bed, and a roof over your head.’”

After the Feb. 20 Mass of Gratitude and Farewell for Bishop John Wester in the Cathedral of Saint Mary of the Assumption in San Francisco, member of his family gather before going downstairs to a reception. Top row (from left) are Terry O’Sullivan, Barry Wester, Stephen Barbi, and John Eric O’Sullivan. Bottom row (from left) are Kathy O’Sullivan, Helen Wester, Nancy Barbi, and Sarah O’Sullivan. Bishop Wester credits his family for supporting his vocation.