Catholic Engaged Encounter elevates marriage
PARK CITY — "Spirituality is when you and I make God’s love real in the world. Christians are stand-ins for God," said David Thomas, Ph.D., speaker at the 2009 Catholic Engaged Encounter District V Convention at the Yarrow Hotel in Park City July 31 to Aug. 1. Thomas lives in Montana, and is currently the co-director of The Bethany Family Institute. For more than 30 years, he was a professor of Systematic Theology, Religion, and Family Life at St. Louis University, St. Meinrad School of Theology and Regis University. He served as a theological consultant to the United States Catholic Bishops Committee on Marriage and Family Life and is currently a theological consultant to the Bishops of England and Wales Committee on Marriage and Family. He is an author, a husband, father to seven children, and has fostered 75 children. His presentation was "Exploration of the Hidden Spiritual Depths of Marriage." "Catholic Engaged Encounter (CEE) is called Exposing Epiphany because that is what you do," said Thomas. "Your ministry is bigger than preparing couples for marriage because we are on the road to discovery. Our whole life is one act after another of discoveries. I am just starting my 70s, and I want you all to think this year will be your greatest year of learning. And I want you all to think that this year is going to be a year in which you will experience the most profound moment of love in your life, and be open to experience the deepest experience of God’s presence." Thomas said these are hopes, but what will make them possible is if you are looking for them, and that is an introduction about attitude, and ourselves. Thomas said when priests come to the church to celebrate Eucharist, they wear robes to remind us that they are involved in something special, something holy that will bring us closer to God. But one of the areas our church is coming much more sensitive to is the spiritual life of the home, the family, and marriage. "We have come light years in acknowledging God’s presence in marriage, in family, and in the home," said Thomas. "We say we leave our homes to go to church, but what we should say is we are leaving the domestic church to go to the parish church. The home is a holy place where God is also active. Thomas focused on five areas: What is spirituality. How to we get in touch with God and God’s Spirit? What’s spiritual about Marriage? What is at the heart of Marriage? And Marriage and its place in creating the Kingdom of God. Thomas said spirituality is related to the individual. It can be found in silence, retreats, caring for our bodies, eating healthy, and so on, but spirituality is a relationship with God and ourselves. Even God is relational in the trinity. We are created so that God’s spirit can come into reality. "We come to know God through our senses," said Thomas. "We look through the eye of our mind. "The eyes of the spirit are in faith and the heart," said Thomas. "Jesus saw the people who surrounded him as children created by a loving God. They did not see themselves as loved by God. A radical stance of Christianity is someone who sees everyone as loved by God. "One of the problems of marriage is we get used to each other," said Thomas. "Try to help others see the ordinary presence of God in people." "What is spiritual about marriage?" asked Thomas. "Acts of genuine love and generosity. Marriage should be between equals. Balance is hard because we are constantly adjusting. Marriage is when each one supports the other. People get divorced because they do not feel supported. What keeps the marriage going is the sacred space between you. We multiply God’s love with simple gestures." Thomas said the Sacrament of Marriage is the outward sign instituted by love to give grace. A lot of the time we forget about God in all we have to do. The most insignificant things are the most important things in a marriage - the simple acts of love. God created us to love, so tell and show others you love them. "The Catholic Church does not understand or appreciate the role marriage as much as it should," said Thomas. "That is why Engaged Encounter is one of the most important ministries in our Church. God loved us first, and then we were loved into the world. God’s flesh and blood flows through us. We break bread, and are called to take that and share it with others. Life is about sharing. The hidden spirituality of marriage is to look for God in the love between a husband and a wife. God is deeply there. George and Judy Clark also spoke at the Engaged Encounter District V Convention. The Clarks have served in the fields of family ministry and community development for more then 30 years. Since 1994, they have been the co-directors of Family and Adult Ministry and Counseling Services for St. Mark the Evangelist Parish in Plano, Texas, where they live. Judy holds a Masters in Adult Christian Community Development from Regis University and a Masters in Counseling Education from the University of North Texas. She is a marriage and family counselor. George is a dentist, and also has a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Psychology. They have been married 46 years, have three children, and eight grandchildren. The Clark’s presentation was "Living Together/Loving Together: Marriage as a lifelong adventure of growth." "The first thing we do is regroup or remember who we are and who we are together," said Judy. Then we take stock, and go into futuring, or what changes need to be made and attitudes we need to adopt. "In marriage, we have self-emptying love, and faithfulness," said Judy. "This is more than just not having an affair. It is the bonds we build between us, the fruitfulness of having children created through God, and choosing to see things another way. Marital spirituality is allowing the spirit of God into the reality of our daily lives." Judy and George placed the symbols of the domestic church and the parish church on a table, and made comparisons between the two. For example, we have love for our parish community and love for our families. We celebrate feast days, the Eucharist, but we also celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays. We have the church traditions, filled with rituals, and we come together as a community. In the home we have family traditions, vacations, picnics, reunions. We remember the family as we come together. In the home we have a table cloth, but in church there is an altar cloth. In both places we have candles, the light of Christ, and through which we offer prayers. The Clarks said in taking stock, we learn to love deeper. They asked the couples what was the state of their marriage. They all varied. They asked what needed adjusting. They talked about beliefs, the convictions we hold, and core values. Values are beliefs we hold dear. They said our core values are the gifts of the Holy Spirit we receive with the Sacrament of Confirmation. They said trust is a big part of bonding, and that you have to have a daily value of wanting to receive what you need to feel loved. We have to listen well. When facing the family issues, we have to claim, not blame. When we receive what we need, we feel loved. George is punctual and Judy tends to run late when meeting George for lunch. "Judy when your are late, I fell devalued," said George. "I would like you to call me when you leave your office so I know when you are coming." George claimed his feeling without blaming Judy. In futuring, we adjust our attitudes and see where we need to make changes. Psychological growth is a journey toward wholeness. Wholeness is differentiation, and feeling comfortable in our own skin. Spiritual growth is trying to grow in holiness. Spiritual and psychological journeys are parallel. If nothing changes - nothing changes. "Adding something or taking something away as a couple changes the marriage," said Judy. "Conversion is accepting God’s help to get unstuck and the ability to move toward generosity."
© Copyright 2025 The Diocese of Salt Lake City. All rights reserved.
Stay Connected With Us