Diocese develops pregnancy and infant loss ministry
SALT LAKE CITY — The diocesan Office of Marriage and Family Life is partnering with Kevin and Kit Cummings to develop a ministry to succor those experiencing pregnancy loss, miscarriage, stillbirth or infant death. The initiative aims to dispel misunderstandings about pregnancy loss and offer practical support, including resources and liturgies, for those experiencing this loss.
Working with Crystal Painter, the office’s director, the Cummings have put together a web page on the diocesan website with resources and other materials for grieving women, couples and parish leaders.
“Studies show that about 10-15 percent of known pregnancies end in miscarriage,” Painter said. “In 2020, there were an estimated 5.36 million known pregnancies in the U.S., which means in that year alone about 804,000 pregnancies ended in fetal loss. So many couples suffer alone. Most of them have no idea that there are resources available to help them in their healing journey. Catholic couples should know that there are liturgical rites and blessings, that there are support groups, information on the physical process and resources for navigating burial options and ways to remember their child, and that their Church is there to walk with them in their pain.”
Incorporating a program called Behold Your Child that was developed by the Diocese of Dubuque, the Cummings have launched a pilot program for their ministry at St. Olaf Parish. In this effort they will gather and train volunteers, test the program, and then make the training available to parishes across the diocese. A Spanish version of the materials will also be offered to all parishes.
If they choose to implement this ministry, parish leaders will determine who among their congregation would be suitable to assist with it, although couples who have been through pregnancy loss would be ideal, Kevin Cummings said.
The Cummings themselves experienced a miscarriage with their first child more than 30 years ago.
“It was a long time ago, but it’s amazing how much you still think of it over the time,” Kit Cummings said.
Last year at the Utah Catholic Conference the Cummings gave a presentation, “A Mountain of Loss – A Catholic Understanding of Miscarriage, Still Birth and Infant Death.”
“We have discovered there are a lot of misunderstandings around miscarriage and pregnancy loss and misunderstandings about what the Church teaches with regards to that,” Kevin Cummings said.
Some people have been told, inaccurately, that they need to repent when they have had a miscarriage, Kit Cummings said. “There’s [also] a lot of people worried about the soul of their baby because they cannot have that child baptized. There are people, when they have a very ill child who is less than a year old, they don’t understand why they can’t have Anointing of the Sick.”
Anointing of the Sick is intended for those who have the capacity to understand and benefit from its spiritual gifts. It is also linked to forgiveness of sins, and the Church teaches that children under the age of reason are not capable of committing personal sin.
Other questions the families have include whether a funeral for the child is allowed, if the remains can be buried and what happens if the remains are lost due to miscarriage or at the hospital. The common practice of medical professionals referring to miscarriages as spontaneous abortions can also be painful and confusing for couples going through the experience. Couples also sometimes feel concerned about the woman having a D&C if the fetus is naturally expelled, incorrectly fearing it is against Church teaching.
As the ministry evolves more resources will be provided to help families answer those questions and to help parish leaders walk with them through this difficult time, the Cummings said. The online resources include articles, books, links to memorials and links to apostolates such as Catholic Miscarriage Support through the diocesan website.
“We want to train clergy, parish staff and laity on how to accompany couples so that when couples find themselves in the midst of this tragic loss, they know where to go, and can feel wrapped in the loving arms of their parish community,” Painter said. “Many parishes already have bereavement ministries, but unfortunately this type of loss is often overlooked. This is an opportunity for those ministry leaders to be trained and learn how to address this kind of loss.”
The Cummings are also working with Lorena Needham, director of the diocesan Office of Worship, on a liturgy for infants who are miscarried or die; this liturgy will be made available to the parishes.
“Some of it is giving the family things to use to cope with [their loss],” Kit Cummings said. “When the child is not going to live much after birth some people know that [ahead of time] so they can help accompany them along the way. Ultimately, it is letting the couple that’s experiencing pregnancy loss know that the community cares and can help them.”
On April 27 the Cummings presented “Encountering Grief – A Catholic Understanding of Miscarriage, Still Birth and Infant Death” at the Diocesan Council of Catholic Women annual conference.
At that presentation the Cummings addressed many of the misconceptions people have about how the Church views these experiences, the theology surrounding them and resources to support families going through them.
The Cummings chose to make this presentation to the CCW because when a woman experiences pregnancy loss, she may not go to her pastor, but she may confide in other women in the parish.
“You ladies are probably the first ones to hear when a friend or relative is experiencing either a pregnancy that’s going to end shortly after birth or loss of pregnancy through miscarriage, and we want you to be on the forefront of those who comfort those who are mourning,” Kit Cummings told the women in attendance. “It is a very isolating thing. ... It’s like a secret club and that’s a bad thing. It’s much nicer when someone will take you by the shoulders and comfort you.”
For information about this ministry, contact Painter at 801-456-9324 or visit https://www.dioslc.org/landing-pages/pregnancy-infant-loss.
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