Joyce Brennan talks about her 47 years of married life

Intermountain Catholic

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Leonard and Joyce Brennan stand outside of St. Joseph Church in Ogden.photos courtesy of Brennan family

by Tim Bell

Intermountain Catholic

OGDEN— In 1947 two brothers from South Dakota, Tom and Leonard Brennan, married two Joyces. Leonard, at the age of 28, married the 30-year-old Joyce Sheldon. Today, Joyce Brennan is a 90-year-young woman, who still attends Mass every Sunday at St. James Church in Ogden and enjoys BINGO.

"It was love at first sight, or it was for me," she told the Intermountain Catholic in a June 6 interview. The two lovers knew each other only six months and dated only three months before they decided to get married. "Father Brusatto told us that we should tell any one who asked that we have been dating six months instead of three, just to make it appear that our marriage actually had a chance," Brennan joked.

What Fr. Frank Brusatto thought was a doomed marriage lasted 47 years, until the death of Leonard in 1994 due to complications from diabetes "In those 47 years I never once considered leaving."

Leonard was not the first man Brennan had a chance to marry. During World War II, she frequently went dancing at the U.S.O. in Ogden. There were a few men she meet there, but, "I wanted to marry a Catholic Irishman. The Irish ancestry was not a necessity. However, he had to be Catholic." Leonard Brennan was the perfect match for her. He was a devout Catholic, and his parents were full blooded Irish.

"It was very important for Leonard and I to be married in the Catholic Church, but it doesn’t seem that important to young people any more." On June 17, 1947 they were married by Fr. Brusatto at St. Joseph Church. "We were too poor to have a big wedding, so we just invited our families and friends. We had a wedding breakfast. I still have the bride and groom figures from our wedding cake. Somehow, the groom’s head broke off – but I glued him back together."

The only advice Brennan was given about marriage was, "there are two things a husband should never teach his wife; how to drive and how to play golf, Leonard taught me both. He also taught all of our children how to drive." Brennan played golf until she was 85, and continues to drive.

Together, they had seven children, five boys and two girls. Their first, John, was born in 1949 and the last, Tom, was born in 1961. "All of our children were quite different when they were young – real individuals Now that they are grown, they don’t seem quite as different.

All of my children are wonderful." Her children have lovingly given her 18 grandchildren, 4 great-grandchildren, and 21 step-grandchildren.

Brennan said one of the keys to making a marriage last is the ability to learn from other people. She learned how to make a marriage work by simply watching her parents who were married 33 years until her mother died at the age of 56. "My mother was Irish and feisty. She would go off on rants. My father was always laid back. I never once saw my father talk back to my mother. He would just let her go until she got tired." In her marriage, Brennan tried to remain in a constant state of balance, where both partners compensated for the other one’s flaws.

Her mother is also credited with making Brennan a strong person. She worked for Ogden’s Commercial Bank, which is now Key Bank, from 1961-81. In those years she managed to work her way up from a simple job as a teller to the banks first female officer, an assistant vice president.

When asked for advice on how to keep a loving relationship going so long, Brennan said: "I’ll give you the same advice I give my children: and that is no advice at all. I don’t give advice and I don’t criticize. I just try to be there for them."

If 90 years of life has taught Brennan anything, it has taught her that each person and each marriage is different from any other in the world. No, amount of good advice can solve all the problems a person or a marriage might experience over the years. It can help but it can’t fix it. The best way to fix problems is for two people to sit down and talk things out, and personally work things out on their own.

The real secret to the longevity of Brennan’s marriage does not lie in her wise words, but rather is embedded deep within her own character. Even at her age, she has retained the ability to love everyone with whom she comes into contact with the untamed love of a teenager, who has never experienced heartbreak.

The most important thing in her life besides God, is her family. Brennan remained close to all of her siblings until their deaths. She is the sole survivor of her generation of Sheltons.

With their passing she now focuses on her own children. "I get together with them two to three times a year. The family gets together every year for a Christmas party. We just celebrated my 90th birthday, and went camping. They asked me to go to Alaska with them, but I think that might be a bad idea." All of her children live nearby, except for one son who lives in Wyoming.

Brennan still remains an active part in her grandchildren’s lives. She is especially proud of one of her grandchildren who has a 4.0 at St. Joseph High School, and started the school’s mock trial program. She is relieved Sarah, one of her granddaughters, has recently completed a tour of duty in Afghanistan without being injured.

Joyce Brennan has found the secret to a successful marriage. The secret does not lie in the advice of others, books, or even marriage counselors. It lies within one’s own heart. It relies on the couple’s own ability to love, not just the person to whom they are marred, but the people one comes from; to love their children and grandchildren; most importantly to love oneself and God.