Lenten Pillars

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With Ash  Wednesday less than a week away, I am giving thought to what I will do for each of the three pillars of Lent: fasting, prayer and almsgiving.

Recently I have been struggling to maintain a positive mindset. Bad news about our nation and our world seems to come hourly. Some people have suggested refraining from keeping abreast of the news, but that’s not practical for someone with my job; I also think that it’s my duty as a citizen to be well-informed.

Still, I am concerned about my mindset, so for the first of the Lenten pillars I am leaning toward a practice recommended by Pope Francis a couple of years ago: to fast from hurting words, sadness, anger, pessimism and other negative attitudes and instead say kind words and be filled with gratitude and hope. I tried this fast for Lent a couple of years ago when Pope Francis first published it. I can’t say I had much success – negative attitudes seem well-ingrained in my psyche – but I think another attempt to root them out is worthwhile.

Many options are available for prayer. On Friday I came across one that resonated with me so strongly that I am resolving to say it daily during Lent. This is the Litany of Trust, which was composed a couple of years ago by Sister Faustina Maria Pia Bianchi, a member of the Sisters of Life congregation. The first couple of lines of the litany are “From the belief that I have to earn your love, deliver me, Jesus. From the fear that I am unlovable, deliver me, Jesus.”

This is the perfect prayer for me because I do often try to earn God’s love, and also at times I strongly suspect I’m unlovable. I know that these attitudes fly in the face of Catholic teaching, which is quite clear that we humans – me included – can do nothing to earn God’s love; he gives his love freely to his creation.

As for being unlovable, it’s not so much that I’m afraid God doesn’t love me because I’m a sinner. I know God forgives sins if we truly repent of them. We may fall and fall again over the same stumbling block, but his forgiveness is always there if we ask for it.  As Saint Nikolai Velimirovich said, “No sin, no matter how many times repeated, is greater than God’s mercy,”

No, my fear is that I myself am unlovable, not because of my actions but just because I am “a foul-smelling little worm,” to use Saint Teresa of Avila’s term. Yes, I know that Isaiah has God saying, “you are precious and honored in my sight, and … I love you;” and I know that God sent his only begotten son to die for all sinners, including me. I also know that the Church teaches that God loves unconditionally and perfectly, but that doesn’t squash the niggling feeling of being unlovable that arises in the dark hours of the night. So, yes, “from the fear that I am unlovable, deliver me, Jesus,” is a prayer for me.

Almsgiving is in one sense the easiest of the Lenten pillars: I can set aside the money I would usually spend on eating out and at Easter send it to Catholic Relief Services through their Rice Bowl project. But Pope Francis has pointed out many times that almsgiving is about more than money, it’s about focusing on the needs of the person asking for help. Sending a check allows me to remain removed from the people in need, so my challenge for Lent this year is to find a way to give alms that brings me into contact with those on the periphery whom I can help, so that I can more fully live the Gospel teaching to be generous with what I have.

Marie Mischel is editor of the Intermountain Catholic. Reach her at marie@icatholic.org.