Les and Jane Roach: Four Keys to a Happy Marriage

Intermountain Catholic

Photo 1 of 2

Jane and Les Roach cut their wedding cake June 1, 1957, after their wedding ceremony in St. Mary of the Assumption Catholic Church in Park City. photos courtesy of Roach family

by Timothy Bell, intern

and Barbara Stinson Lee

SALT LAKE CITY — On June 1, in the Warbirds Cafe Hangar, an old airplane hangar in Driggs, Idaho converted into a restaurant, sat Jane and Robert L. (Les) Roach of Salt Lake City and three generations of their family. Les and Jane were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. The family reunion had been dubbed The Roach Family Round-up. The biggest surprise of the evening came after dinner "when they wheeled out a small wedding cake topped with the center piece to our original wedding cake," Jane told the Intermountain Catholic in a June 20 interview. "I’d kept that wedding cake topper in my hope chest for 50 years," she said. "When I saw it on the anniversary cake, I realized I hadn’t even missed it. Our children were so good at planning all of this."

The Roach’s love story began in Park City. They’ve known each other since they were children and their mothers were best friends.

"Back in those days everybody knew everybody else in town, and we all use to go skiing together, said Les. Les and Jane remained friends, often going to parties after skiing trips. During those ski trips and parties, Les discovered he had a lot in common with Jane. "So I decided to ask her out." This began two years of "serious" dating.

"When we began dating, I lived across the street from the Catholic Church," said Les, who was not a Catholic at the time. "After I returned from a date with Jane at 10 or 11 p.m,. I would find Fr. Patrick Cullen, (then pastor of St. Mary Parish in Park City) sitting on the steps of the rectory. He would say, ‘Lesley why don’t you come over for a beer? ‘ I would go have a beer, but he never drank."

Eventually, Les would join the service and fight in World War II. Unlike many other returning soldiers Les was in no rush to get married. "I had a lot of fishing and skiing to catch up on before I could even think about marriage."

But there are 13 years between Les and Jane, and Les eventually thought about getting married, remembering Fr. Cullen’s advice to "hurry slowly." With a romantic setting on his mind, Les asked Jane to marry him in the car on their way to her birthday dinner.

"He pulled over to the side of the road going up Daniels Canyon," Jane said. "He gave me my ring. I was expecting him to give me a ring, but not quite that soon."

On June 1, 1957, Les Roach married Jane Cullen, at the old St. Mary’s Church in Park City, in a ceremony preformed by Father Ignatius Strancar.

The Roaches had two boys and two girls. The boys were born a year apart. The first girl was not born until three years after the last boy. The second girl was born within a year of her older sister. Their four children have given them seven grandchildren.

The Roaches said they "haven’t had any real hard times." Their marriage has been comprised mostly of happy times.

"The happiest time," both agree, "was when the children were small, and crawling on the ground. They were always doing something cute. It was always fun to watch them at this age." Other happy times they recalled were whenever they would pack up the trailer to go on camping trips. Their favorite camping/fishing spot was Jackson Hole, Wyo.

The Roaches have discovered over the last 50 years that there are many keys that will unlock the doors to happiness, and lock the doors on misery. Their first key to happiness is tolerance. Jane and Les realized long ago, despite all their common interests and other similarities, they are still not the same person. Each one of them has some character traits that sets them apart from the each other. However, instead of trying to change each other, they realized it was better to accept the differences as they were. Jane accepted that Les was not a Catholic, and she made no attempt to hurry him into the church.

"I prayed about it, and I prayed for him," she said. "But the decision had to be between Les and God."

Jane and Les know that being tolerant of each others’ differences is not enough. They have to go the extra mile and support the other in their differences. Peggy Smith, their oldest daughter, told the Intermountain Catholic: "My parents are very patient people. They were always trying to do what the other wanted to do." Les eventually began to attend Mass with his wife on a weekly basis, after their children moved out, because he did not want her to go alone.

The third key to their success is the simple understanding about the type of people each one comes from. "We both had good parents. They taught us how to respect people," said Jane. "More importantly, they taught us how to respect each other."

In their marriage Jane and Les each tried to put the others’ and their children’s’ needs and desires before their own. This has allowed the two Roaches time to pursue individual interests, such as Les’ weekly golf game in the same foursome for 40 years.

Another important key to the Roach’s successful marriage has been their ability to laugh at each other and themselves. Les and Jane know that either one of them is capable of make a stupid mistake. So instead of holding such a mistake against each other, they both laugh about how silly the mistake actually was, defusing the situation before it explodes into a giant mess, hurting one of them in the blast.

These four keys allowed Les to make his decision to join the Catholic Church in his own time. The tolerance Jane and his children showed him, left him free to reach his own opinion about the church. His patience allowed him to sit through countless Masses, experiencing the tradition and ceremony without ever making an actual commitment to it. His respect for Fr. Cullen and Msgr. John J. Sullivan, long-time pastor of St. Ann Parish, Salt Lake City, allowed Les to listen to what his spiritual advisors had to say about life and the church. Finally his ability to laugh allowed him to go to parish events and have a good time with the members of the parish. Ultimately all of these experiences led Les to become a member of the Catholic Church 13 years ago.

When asked why so many marriage fail these days, Jane said, "People are not willing to give. They want everything now, and they are not willing to work hard to make it work. They know if things don’t work out they can get divorced."

"There is nothing holding them into a marriage that is experiencing some hard times. Les said. He joked: "Jane’s parents wouldn’t take her back. They would take me back though. Just like we will take Bruce, Peggy’s husband, back but not Peggy." Les winked at Peggy and Peggy winked back.

The best advice the Roaches can give couples planning to marry is, "Be careful. Learn to appreciate each other, and only marry when you are really ready. And don’t get married before you’ve gotten an education."

After 50 years of marriage how can one tell the Roaches still love each other? Is it in how they take turns in telling the same story, their story, one that has grown and persevered over the last 50 years? Les and Jane tell their story with humor and pathos to two strangers whom they have only known an hour. Can it be found in the promise of them renewing their vows this coming Christmas, or in the fact that they still kiss each other every day? The Intermountain Catholic hopes so.

Their love, their caring, and their deep understanding of each other might be best summed up by Les’ fishing trips.

"I still go fishing, and Jane comes with me to make sure that I don’t injure myself. She watches me fish from the bank. She will say ‘Try over there. There’s is a fish that has been swimming over there.’ I cast my line where she points, and I catch a fish. She spots them and I catch them."