One Aspect of My Story of Church

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Our diocese, like all the diocese throughout the world, is holding listening sessions as part of the local synod process. Comments from these sessions will be compiled into a report at the diocesan level, then forwarded to the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops, which will put together a national report that will be sent to the Vatican for the universal phase of the Synod on Synodality, scheduled for October 2023 in Rome.

The synod was the topic of the Diocese of Salt Lake City’s Lenten Retreat, which was held last Saturday. Because I was writing about the retreat, I didn’t participate. However, I have given some thought as to how I would speak openly and honestly about my experiences in the Catholic Church.

My first comment is that I don’t believe we in the United States have a welcoming church. I say this because as an adult I have lived in eight states, and in most of them I have experienced complete rejection at a parish. Three examples:

The diocese where I was living was having a three-day retreat. Because I had recently moved there, I thought the retreat would be a good way to meet people and become involved with the local church. When I arrived at the retreat’s opening dinner, I found that seating was by parish. I found the table of my parish. There was one chair left. I introduced myself and asked if I could join them. “No,” said a woman. “We’re saving that seat for someone.”

For the rest of my time in that diocese, I never did more than attend Mass on Sunday.

Fast forward a decade, to a different state. Again I was new to the parish. During the announcements after Mass, an appeal was made for people to help prepare for the parish festival. I showed up, and was told, “Oh, we don’t need any help.”

For the rest of my time in that diocese, I never did more than attend Mass on Sunday.

Years later, yet another diocese. This time one of the groups was hosting a membership drive. I was greeted when I paid my money at the door, and someone said hello when I stood in the refreshment line, but other than that no member of the group spoke to me. And it wasn’t just me; I sat at the table with two other women who weren’t members, and no one approached us.

I don’t know whether those two women joined the organization, but I certainly didn’t.

Another story; this one not really mine. As a reporter for the local community newspaper, I interviewed a woman who was the victim of a hate crime. I asked whether her church had reached out to her. She said she was Catholic, but she’d been asked not to come to church until her children were old enough to behave.

I left, wondering whether she ever returned to church, with her children or without.

I would like to say that my experiences are an anomaly, but when I share them with other Catholics, almost without exception they tell me similar stories, which is probably one reason people fall away from the faith, though I am sure there are many other grounds as well.

One of the discussion questions being asked at the listening sessions is, “Are we connecting with one another as the Body of Christ?” My answer, based on my experience, is an emphatic “no.”

In his keynote talk for the diocesan retreat, Father Ray John Marek asked how the Church can speak with integrity and credibility. My answer is, I don’t know. Public perception of the Catholic Church seems to be that all we care about is opposing abortion and the rights of LGBTQ+ persons. We’re not seen as having Jesus incarnate within us; we’re not perceived as a people who  practice the corporal and spiritual works of mercy.

Fr. Marek pointed out that our mission as Catholics is to help the Church’s theology and traditions to speak to the lived reality of men and women in today’s world. We can’t do that if our witness is condemnatory rather than merciful. If we want people to listen when we ask them to join us on the pilgrim path to the Eternal Kingdom, we need to show that we are in fact following Jesus, that preacher from Galilee who wrote in the dust rather than condemn a person whose guilt was never in doubt.

Marie Mischel is editor of the Intermountain Catholic. Reach her at marie@icatholic.org.