'Sacramentally God is a third partner in marriage'

Intermountain Catholic

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Marianna Hopkins (left) and Gary Topping will get married Aug. 5, at Our Lady of Lourdes Church in Magna. They planned their honeymoon first and then planned their wedding.IC photo by Chris Young

SALT LAKE CITY — When Gary Topping and Marianna Hopkins first saw each other at Salt Lake Community College (SLCC) 15 years ago, they had a feeling they knew each other, but they are able unable to pinpoint where that might have been.

They will marry Aug. 5, at Our Lady of Lourdes Church, Magna. When asked how they feel about their upcoming marriage, they both said they feel a little scared.

"Neither of us were Catholic when we married the first time," said Topping. "Sacramentally God is a third partner in this marriage. This time it is not an institution, it is a sacrament."

Topping and Hopkins were hired the same year at SLCC. Topping teaches history and Hopkins is an English teacher. Topping also works part-time in the Archives of the Diocese of Salt Lake City. Topping moved to Utah in 1972, to complete his education at the University of Utah. Hopkins received her degree from the University of Utah as well.

Topping and Hopkins are both members of The Cathedral of the Madeleine Parish. Topping converted to Catholicism in 1987. Hopkins had never been baptized before she became a Catholic in 1991.

While going through the Right of Christian Initiation for Adults (RCIA), Hopkins met Father Andrzej Skrzypiec, pastor of Our Lady of Lourdes Parish, Magna. When they told Fr. Andrzej they wanted him to perform their wedding ceremony, he said, "It’s about time."

Hopkins has been divorced for 19 years, and Topping has been divorced for more than 20 years. Section 1650 of the "Catechism of the Catholic Church" states, "In the words of Jesus Christ, whoever divorces his wife and marries another, commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery. If they remarry civilly, they find themselves in a situation that objectively contravenes God’s law in the Catholic Church. They cannot receive the Eucharist as long as the situation exists."

In order for Topping and Hopkins to get married in the Catholic Church, they had to go through the annulment process.

At the time of Hopkins’ first marriage, neither she nor her husband had been baptized. She filed a Pauline Privilege of the Faith, which is a decree of dissolution of a marriage between two unbaptized people.

"The couple had to remain unbaptized for the duration of the marriage," said Father Langes Silva, JCL, JCD (Cand.), judicial vicar/vice-chancellor of the Diocese of Salt Lake City. "Since Hopkins became a baptized Catholic, a Pauline Privilege of the Faith was granted by the Catholic Church, given the fact that she decided to become a Catholic and enter into a new marriage according to the laws of the Church."

Topping sought an annulment because he and his former wife had been baptized. Fr. Langes said in brief, "An annulment is a Declaration of Invalidity granted by the Catholic Church that in appearance shows the marriage was valid, however it was affected by a canonical ground of annulment or any other abnormal circumstance at the time of the marriage. The Church makes a declaration that the marriage was not valid from the very beginning following proper procedure of law."

"When I got married the first time, I did not know what being married meant," said Hopkins. "I have a much better idea and sense of what marriage is now. At this point in my life, marriage is a much more serious proposition."

Topping said no matter what age you are when you get married, it takes a particular kind of maturity to know what you are doing.

Topping and Hopkins each have one son from their previous marriages, and both sons are in their 20s and living on their own. Topping’s son, Danny, is married and lives in Nebraska. Hopkins’ son, Dylan, lives in Salt Lake City and is a Salt Lake County fireman.

Topping and Hopkins had to deal with the fact they both own a home. Because of a contractual agreement Topping is unable to sell his home for six more years, so he will rent his home and move into Hopkins’ home.

"We are doing something that people wisely warn against, and that is moving into one or the other’s home," said Hopkins. "But neither of us are in a situation in which we can avoid that right now. I am really excited to have him move in, but he needs more than six hangers so I have given away about 25 bags of clothing to make room for him."

"We have been dating for 10 years, so we have been at this a long time," said Topping. "We have had a long time to get acquainted and to get to know each other."

"The fact that we have been dating for 10 years speaks for itself how seriously we take this," said Hopkins.

"Before we started dating, Marianna belonged to a singles group and invited me to come along," said Topping. "We would have our ups and downs and then we would back away. Neither of us was unhappy being single. We were functioning quite well. So we decided to go to a marriage counselor."

"The marriage counselor told us our conflicts were no different from anyone else, we were just reacting bigger," said Hopkins. "That was a very calming statement for us to hear. We have a lot in common, we enjoy many of the same things, and we have learned to communicate and work through our issues. We are a little scared, but we are looking forward to getting married."