Foster child awaits the love and support of a family

Intermountain Catholic

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KUTV Channel 2 co-anchor Mary Nickles (right) moderates a panel of foster/adoptive parents at Juan Diego Catholic High School April 21. The parents who shared their stories are Jody Burningham (left), Bethany Hosking, Suzy Ramos, and Ricardo Ramos.The stories they shared were quite positive. They said if you had any idea at all that you wanted to be a foster parent, they would encourage you to give it a try because it is rewarding. The kids offer so much love. IC photos by Christine Young

DRAPER — There is a pressing need for families who are willing to adopt children from Utah’s foster care system. Each year approximately 300 children in foster care in Utah are adopted and most are adopted by their foster parents, which is about 85 percent.

Alivia, l4, loves spending time with friends, playing volleyball, and soccer. She loves to be active. But most of all, she would like to find a loving, Catholic family.

Alivia is Catholic, has received her First Communion, and is now attending RCIA to receive the Sacrament of Confirmation. Her faith means a lot to her and is part of her identity. She is African American and Mexican. She is in the ninth grade, and is already very good at cosmetology. She has a great sense of humor and loves to make jokes. She makes friends very easily, is vivacious and energetic and a lot of fun.

Alivia is able to do well academically in school. She looks forward to attending college to become a veterinarian assistant, because she loves dogs and horses. She may also want to go to cosmetology school.

She is described by her case worker as a girly girl. She always looks nice by wearing nice clothes, fixing her hair, and her makeup. As Alivia says, "You never know who you are going to meet." She is at the boy crazy age, and wants to look nice just in case.

Alivia would like to have a mother who will be there for her, and be someone she can trust who will not abandon her. She has not been around a father figure, except she would like someone who is nice and will care for her. She wants to be part of a family who is active, and likes to have family outings. Alivia wants to be part of a family who will offer her love and support, and be there for her the rest of her life.

A forum to educate the community on the need for foster/adoptive families was held at Juan Diego Catholic High School April 21, sponsored by the Utah Foster Care Foundation. KUTV Channel 2 Co-anchor Mary Nickles moderated the panel of three families.

The families talked about the challenges and rewards they have encountered, how their biological children have been affected, and their experiences with birth families. There is an ongoing and consistent need for foster/adoptive families in the Salt Lake Valley.

Jody and Jared Burningham have a total of five children. They have one biological child, one child they adopted through LDS Family Services, and three children they adopted through foster care. The last two children are siblings.

Bethany Hosking is a single parent who has adopted four children through foster care. She has two sets of siblings, two girls and two boys. These children came to her as respite placements. She has been doing foster care for the past five years and is currently licensed.

Suzy and Ricardo Ramos have adopted three children through foster care and have one biological child. They have had a total of 15 placements and have been doing foster care for the past four years. They have worked with a number of Hispanic families, given their own family composition. Ricardo is Latino and Suzy is Anglo. They both speak Spanish and speak Spanish in their home to their children.

Suzy and Ricardo decided to become foster parents after seeing a flyer seeking Spanish-speaking foster parents. They were also looking at increasing the number of children in their home.

"It wasn’t any harder for me being single than it is for married couples," said Bethany in answer to Nickles question as to how hard it was for her being single. "Nobody asked me why I was doing it, or were they negative about it. They were helpful and it has been a good experience."

Jody said she had one biological girl and then adopted a child through a private adoption. She had friends who had adopted children through foster care, and she wanted to expand her family.

"Did it seem too hard to deal with the system going to the appropriate classes, filling out the papers, or was it okay?" asked Nickles.

"The classes were interesting," said Suzy. "I went into it thinking I knew about kids, but it was real eye opening. They try to prepare you for the worst case scenario. They are trying to prepare you for everything and anything possible that can come about. As I have gone through this, and have had children in my home, I realize they are children. You hear the stories that get publicized. I was definitely worried about my own child and something happening to him bringing these children into our home. I did not want to bring anyone in our home who could harm him.

"I was so impressed with how the system is set up. They watch out for that," said Suzy. "They make sure you know everything, first of all. Then you can pick and choose and decide who is right for your home. If you feel you can handle children who have been through certain situations, then it is your choice. We chose what we felt was right for us, and then we branched out and opened up to other children with their help. We learned what worked for us and what did not. They know each one of us, and we work with the system. They ask me about my kids and how my kids are doing. They really know our needs and they know our situation. They want it to be the best of both worlds for the kids as well."

"They really try to match the kids with the families very carefully because they do not want suffering. They do not want you to call and say this isn’t working out," said Bethany. "So they really take all kinds of precautions and measures to make sure that you are fully informed of everything and that you have the skills and resources, and the family set up to handle what may occur."

"How do you say goodbye, or do you just keep all of them?" asked Nickles.

"We do have a burning love for a little girl that we had for about four months," said Jody. "She went back to her mom. That was probably one of the hardest things we have ever gone through. We took a break after that for about a year. Then we decided to care for more children, and I am glad we did because then we adopted two little girls. It is your job as a foster parent to give them a safe place, to love them, take care of them, and know that you will either adopt them or they will go back to their biological family."

"Sometimes you don’t have to say goodbye," said Bethany. "Not just because of adoption, but I have a set of siblings that I still see all the time. I see them at school, or they come and play at my house. Their dad is really supportive of me still having a relationship with them. He is doing a great job with them."

"For me getting to know their biological families has made a huge difference," said Suzy. "To give up a child is very hard, but giving the child back to a family who loves them and is prepared for them at this point, is an amazing experience as well. We cry because we will miss them but we are happy about where they are going. The state really works hard to prepare the families to get their children back. We know that they are going back and are where they are supposed to be."

"What do you tell you biological children when you bring these foster children into your home," asked Nickles?

"I have just been open and honest with them," said Jody. "I tell them that their biological mom and dad are having a hard time right now for whatever reason, and so this child is going to come into our home and is going to stay for a while. I think they have been really accepting. As long as I am honest with them, they are accepting. I don’t tell them the difficult details they do not need to hear."

If families are primarily interested in adoption, there are children in foster care who are legally free for adoption, like Alivia. Most of these children are over the age of 6, have special needs, or may be part of a sibling group that need to stay together. Children between the ages of 0-5 are usually placed with families who are approved to provide foster care and willing to support reunification efforts. These families are also open to adopting a child who may need a permanent family if they cannot return home. Many families who have adopted children from foster care have fostered several children before they adopt a child.

The process of adopting children from foster care is different than adopting through a private agency. Private adoption agencies work to help families find children to adopt and public child welfare agencies are trying to find families for the children they serve. There are children in Utah who need families to make a permanent commitment and welcome them into their family. If you are interesting in learning more about adopting children, contact Utah Foster Care Foundation.

For more information about adopting children from Utah’s foster care system, contact Utah Foster Care Foundation at (801) 994-5205. For more information on Alivia contact Andrea Henrie at the Adoption Exchange (801) 265-0444, andrea@adoptex.org.